Close your eyes...

Ever thought about what the phrase, "Walk by faith and not by sight," means? I particularly like the part about "not by sight." I like to think about that literally for my spiritual life. Sometimes I'm so ready to plan my own life and the steps I will take that I forget to trust God. I am not perfect. So, my choices, if I'm making them apart from God, won't be perfect. Therefore, my steps won't be perfect and I'll fall. But Christ is perfect. If I let Him guide my steps in the path of righteousness, my ways will be perfect.

Have any of you done a ropes course or trust exercise (sometimes known as "team-building activity")? Well, sometimes, people have to pick you up and put you through spaces in tires or guide you along a wooded trail without touching you. I don't know about you, but it's hard to trust someone to take your life and well-being into their hands.

When I think about my spiritual life, I see how sometimes I can say that I'm trusting God, but I'm still watching what else I could be doing, and even though I am letting God direct my steps, I trip over other things like pride, hurt, hatred, frustration, etc. I wouldn't call it "blind faith," but I think that making sure I'm not comparing what I'm doing to what I could be doing is like closing my eyes. I want to live for God and I want to walk in the steps of righteousness, but I've noticed that if I'm allowing myself to be distracted by all the sin and temptations around me, I trip up.

So now I pray that God would take His hand
And cover my eyes and make me rest in Him.
I pray that He will direct my steps
So I will not stumble
And make the temptations dim;
So all I can see is His glory
Etched in His crucified palm.
And I'll be forced to reflect on His glory
And dwell on the things of above.

"A man's heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps." (Proverbs 16:9)

"Bless me, Lord!"

"Lord, that you would bless me indeed,
And enlarge my territory;
That your hand would be with me.
And you would keep my heart from evil, Amen."

Last night, my youth group and I sang this song arranged by Paul Baloche together. I had heard it a few days before and dropped all other music options so that I could share this with them. It touched my heart and I loved it: the sounds of so many voices from many different lives, and in different situations all singing this one prayer, this prayer of Jabez.

Now, if you don't know who Jabez is, that's ok. He's tucked away in a lonely little chapter in 1 Chronicles. In a line of sons and fathers and "begats," there is an interruption for this man saying, "Jabez was more honorable than his brothers... call[ing] upon the God of Israel... And God granted what he asked." Why would there be this slightly random man in the middle of all of this genealogy? Like Tabitha from Acts (see previous posts), I think that although there are so few verses for this individual, their testimonies are the most important.

Jabez was just an average man; he was probably a farmer with herds of sheep and goats. He was probably a landowner with fields of grain or corn. Jabez called upon the name of the Lord and asked that He would bless him and enlarge his territory and keep him from evil. God did all these things for him.

Why would I choose this song for my youth group to sing? And how does it apply to our daily lives?

First, when Jabez asks God to bless him, he's not being selfish. The word "bless" in this context means supernatural favor. Jabez is asking for God's favor, not the "blessings" we think of as general pleasures. In the book, The Prayer of Jabez, by Bruce Wilkinson, he says, "When we seek God's blessing as the ultimate calue in life, we are throwing ourselves entirely into the river of His will and power and purposes for us." That's what Jabez was doing. He was throwing himself into the favor of God.

But why should we plead for "territory?" Here is a request of God to enlarge your life so that you can make a greater impact for Him. Every day, we need to ask for more opportunities to bring Him glory--whatever that may mean.

"That your hand would be with me." This is acknowledging that you are dependent upon God. "The second you're not feeling dependent is the sencond you've backed away from truly living by faith," said a Bible teacher to Wilkinson. It's true! We need God's hand upon us to sustain and continue the great things that God does in our lives.

"That you would keep my heart from evil," is the last part to this simple prayer. Jabez prays that God would protect him from Satan's proven power to make him gloat over blessing. So easily, we can become prideful when God blesses us-- sometimes He then takes those blessings away, but sometimes He leaves them with us. We need the grace and protection from that evil. Note that Jabez doesn't ask to not be tempted to evil. Why wouldn't he ask that? Well, if we are not being tempted to evil, then Satan is not really worried about us anymore. We're not engaging in the spiritual warfare that we should as Christians. Rather, we should pray for strength to endure the temptations and for victory over the attacks!

And God granted what Jabez asked for. Why? Because this is the prayer that God wants to hear. I would encourage all of you to get and read "The Prayer of Jabez." It's a small book and I think you can get them from CBD for about $1 each. If you don't get this, read 1 Chronicles 4:9-10.

"How great is our God, sing with me, how great is our God; and all will see how great, how GREAT is our God."

Proverbs 23:17-18

/my photography/

Are you hoping for something? Are you trusting God, or praying that you would, for something in your life? I am. I hope for things. My strongest desire, the thing with which I have the hardest time trusting God, is to get married. Why is it so hard? Because I see some of my friends getting close to guys and striking up relationships with them at 16... and I know that I wouldn't have to wait too long if I wanted to follow in their footsteps.

I was doing my devos last night and I read my "daily Proverb". Proverbs 23:17-18 brought tears to my eyes...

17Let not your heart envy sinners,
but continue in the fear of the LORD all
the day.
18Surely there is a future,
and your hope will not be cut off.

I realized that I'd been jealous of my friends and the general world... the world that I was striving so hard not to be part of. This verse didn't just tell me where I was wrong, but also what to do to fix it. I have to continue to trust God all day: from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep. I love verse 18 too. Just because it feels bleak now... or a long way off... there IS a future, and my hope will not be cut off. It doesn't mean that I'll definitely-no-doubt-about-it walk down the aisle on my daddy's arm someday... it doesn't mean I'll be chasing my little ones around the playground ten years from now... It just means that my hope and my desire will not be just dashed to pieces. God will bless me because I am His daughter. So why should I be worried? I just have to give up the deepest desires of my heart to Him... learn to want only Him, and I will be satisfied.

Do Not Grow Weary

I have such amazing girl friends! My friend, Abby, started an email group with a bunch of girls (myself included) and every day, someone writes to remind everyone to do their devotions. Then the rest of the girls write back and affirm or deny the action. Yesterday, she wrote a little note to all of us to check out Hebrews 12: 1-3. I did and verse 3 really stood out to me; verse 4 went along with it:

"³Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. ⁴In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood."

Do you live with people who don't encourage you? Do you find yourself trapped in the company of those who don't build you up? Do you feel discouraged or worried? Are you sometimes tired with the trials and the temptations that God puts you through? Do you find that you are always working on something: faults, habits, convictions?

Every time you feel this way, think of this: Christ went through so much more. And He went through it so that you could be strong and courageous. You haven't had to shed your blood to live a Christian life. He had to because He's perfect and God's will is perfect.

Another Scripture that I'm planning to put to memory and enter to my letter box is Proverbs 3:11-12:

"¹¹ My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline
or be weary of his reproof,
¹²for the LORD reproves him whom he loves,
as a father the son in whom he delights."

If you are learning, and God is teaching you, He loves you! Isn't that encouragement enough to make you joyful when you feel weary?

One of my church's former pastors (http://cafebiblia.com/?page_id=2) came to speak at my church this past Sunday. He spoke on redemption, using Ephesians 1. It reminded me of a study he did a few years ago on Philippians. Chapter 2:12 says,

^"12Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling..."

What does is mean to work out your own salvation and make sure you are really saved? This past Sunday, my pastor said some things that really made me understand this. He asked a question: How do we know we are sealed with redemption? He told us to reflect on our lives: do we enjoy spending time in the word? Do we find ourselves wanting to sing and talk about Christ and His gospel all the time? Do we feel the urge to pray all the time? When we read our Bibles, do we really understand it? Are we convicted when we read His word? Do we see ourselves needing to constantly work on our sinful nature and we find we need to be so dependent upon Him? If the answers are yes to all those questions, you can be sure that you are sealed. And if the answers are yes to all those questions, you may have felt weary or fainthearted. But don't be weary, because these trials and temptations come only to those who have been redeemed!

Lastly, my pastor gave us a list of things to remember:

1. Be amazed that God would care this much for you.

2. Take time to take note of the Spirit's work in you life.

3. Rejoice that your redemption is permanent.

4. Be thankful and hopeful in the face of trials.

5. Don't give up and let down your guard in the face of persistent sin.

6. Long for your full redemption and possession of heaven!

Thank you Pastor Craig, and Abby! :)

My Letter Box

For Christmas last year, someone, a very dear elderly lady, gave me a beautiful box. There was nothing in it, but it was a perfect size for anything. At first I put little odds and ends, papers and receipts that I'd need later. Then I had a need for something in which to keep my cross-stitching supplies. Then, this summer, I started using it for my letters and stationary and pens.

I've been writing to a few friends every few days: a friend in Washington, a friend in Virginia, and a friend at West Point. Just little notes about life and new songs I was learning and books I was reading. I kept the letters I needed to reply to in the box with my envelopes and paper and purple stamps. I'd keep something that smells especially good (like a candle) in there to make the paper scented (I've always enjoyed a letter that has a faint scent to it).

But now I have been adding new things to my letter box: things that help me to think. Every time I open my box, I not only get a pleasant aroma from the candle or little bottle of lotion I've left in there, but I see the verse cards that mean a lot to me.

I've had a new project come to my mind. Things that I write down, or little trifles that remind me of something Jesus said (like a little bottle of mustard seeds), I put in my letter box. You may think this clutter or a bunch of junk that could be thrown away, but I'm going to keep these things. I'll add them slowly, but surely, and eventually, when I have a daughter, I just might show her my box, and then buy her one to start for herself. Whenever I need to be reminded of what God has taught me through the years, I'll go through my letter box and be rekindled or re-reproached.

I've heard of young ladies keeping a "Hope Chest" for their future home someday, and I've always wanted to do that. But, if any of you have seen my room, I have absolutely *no* room for a hope chest. My letter box will be sort of like my hope chest for now. :)

Patience, Love, Forgiveness...

It's harsh to hear that your best friends have gone behind your back and started rumors or assumed things they shouldn't. I know. It's happened to me before. I'm the type of person that hates to know that anyone is on bad terms with me. I like to be friends with everyone and know that there is nothing between us. When I hear that someone is not on good terms with me, and that they have to work through something, I have to take a deep breath. Then, all these questions flood through my mind: "What did I do? What did I say? Did I do something wrong? Why?" My patience is at my wit's end waiting for the confrontation. It's hard for me to trust and rest. I find myself over and over, praying, "God, I'm impatient, and worried, and wanting to know what is going on. Make me trust you." Sometimes I find it being put first in my mind, before God and before everything else important so that I find myself praying, "God, I'm making this an idol. My relationship with so and so is being put above you right now. Help me to put you before this worry and impatience." As the days go by, I get upset that this person is taking so long. I say to myself, "Why is this taking forever? Don't they know that I am nervous and itching to know how to fix this? Do they think that I did whatever I did maliciously?" Whoa, back to prayer, I must go: "God, make me to love this person. I value our friendship with which you have gifted me. Please help me to be thankful that this person is bringing whatever of my faults to my attention so I can work on them."

Then, the day finally comes when my fears are relieved and the confrontation or the confession of my friend is expressed. If it is a confrontation, it makes me thankful. I have a friend who was not afraid to tell me what they thought and saw, even if it meant their relationship with me. If it is a confession of something they did to me or behind my back, I have a whole new set of things to think about. First, forgiveness. Usually, it is not hard for me to be forgiving. I just want things to go back to normal again and life to go on and nothing to be in between us. But then I struggle with pride. I get puffed up in my mind saying, "Yes, they sinned against me and they really don't deserve the forgiveness I've given them." Guess what? Yup, prayer time again. "God, you know I am thankful for these friends and their willingness to bring to my attention something they did against me. I thank you that I'm ready to forgive them. Now, Lord, when I'm tempted to be prideful about my giving them forgiveness, help me to remember the undeserving forgiveness with which you've forgiven my sins. Help me to be humble."

Then, while I'm working on all these things, I think that the friendship should go back to normal. Ah, we're back to the beginning. Patience again is what I need.

"I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry." (Psalm 40:1)

The Lost Ornament of Society

I've been getting ready for my much anticipated AP English class this year by reading as many books as I can possibly manage. Many of you know my endearing love for Jane Austen and her works. As I write I slowly draw close to the end of Mansfield Park which has delighted me more than I could possibly imagine reading a book after the movie. For those of you who have read Jane Austen books, you know how long and wordy and sometimes tedious they can be, so I find that in order to finish these books before the start of the class, I have to use every spare moment to read a paragraph or a chapter. Every day I've been thinking about what Miss Fanny Price would have to do next and what turmoil or delight would be stirring in her mind. I think about how graceful and patient she was when treated condescendingly. I couldn't help but laugh to myself when Edmund and her discussed with appalled attitudes the character of Mr. and Miss Crawford and how their scruples would have no affect on our acceptance of them today.

My mind would continue to wander, as it often does, on how lost this perception of a lady has become with the increasing years. The loss of the sensitivity and gentleness of a woman's character has deprived the world of it's grace and beauty. Today it is not proper for a woman to be submissive to father, brother, and husband, and no distinguishable difference is made between a mother and daughter. No quietness of spirit and no thoughtfulness of mind is acceptable to the women of today. We must have glory and importance, equality with men and their ambitions. I am not saying that God did not create man and woman equal. He made them equal in that they are both His explicit creation, and no mistreatment of one or the other is to be withstood. But He did create them different: the woman to be submissive to authority, and the man to be a good master, leading others, and loving his Savior, wife, and family (1 Peter 3). But it is all lost! A young woman's goal is not to be married, keep a home and raise children, and submit to her husband. No, she is ready to take on the world and as soon as her father gives her freedom (if he ever had assumed any restraint on that point), she runs off to make as much money as possible and find as many men to indulge her. Now, am I saying that it is wrong to go off into the world, go to college, and learn how to make good money? Absolutely not! The Proverbs 31 woman was a businesswoman in some respects. She considered a field and bought it in which to plant a vineyard. With that vineyard, she either sold the wine and grapes or used them in her own household to save a few pennies. She made linen garments and sashes and sold these to the local merchant as well. No, having an education and making money is not wrong at all. The point I try to make is that there is no meekness in gaining wealth by a woman's hands. There is indelicacy in the way she goes about it. She is very prominent and speaks loudly to be heard by all. And then, when she and some man finally decide to end a period of dating, marriage is just an alliance with someone of the opposite gender where bank accounts are jointed and cars are shared and rings are worn. The woman cannot bare to think that just because she where's a ring on her finger and has set off her veil, she should forsake all those years of work and accomplishment in her line of business. So, she continues to work and comes home when her husband does. Then she remembers that children would just hinder all of this, and so the proper arrangements are made to prevent any such occasion to upset the bliss of success.

Does this mean I think that women are to stay at home, wear long dresses, not pursue a job, and to have ten children? No! But consider the women of God, and think: Was any of this necessary to make a woman true, perfect, acceptable, and successful? Do you really think that God designed women to be as strong and qualified as men? Do you think that maybe God had a delicate flower in mind when He created woman: one who was beautiful to look at, serves its proper purpose, and brings forth seeds with which to populate the Earth?

Recipe of Mercy

Think about your favorite food. Mmm, it's so hard to choose! There's the yummy, creamy macaroni and cheese or the rich beef roast that only your mother can master. But maybe you have a sweet tooth. Maybe you find a nice bowl of pudding sufficient to make any night the best. Or perhaps you like that special apple pie that your friend's mother makes for you. But then again, your sister's pumpkin cheesecake really does the trick. Why is she torturing us with all this food!? you might be thinking. Sorry, not trying to torture ya'll, but you might want to grab a snack or something because this whole post is going to be about food.

In our kitchen, we have a nice cutting board that someone gave to us. It has Psalm 34:8 on it: "Oh taste and see that the Lord is good." I was waiting for my lunch to heat up in the microwave (gotta love leftovers :)) and started to think about what that verse meant.

Now that I just got you to think about all the good foods that you love to eat, think about what t would be like if all of those foods had no taste or a metallic flavor to it. Everything tasted the same; herbs had no essence and spices had no savor. What pleasure would there be in eating? None, unless you are like my little brothers and had contests over who could take the biggest bite. I thought, "Wow, God found it pleasing to Him to please us with the different special flavors of different foods. He designed our tongues in such a way so that we could taste them and enjoy them, or in some cases, not enjoy them."

But wait a minute, we don't deserve even the grace to live each day. And God gave us this pleasure? Such a small gift compared to His salvation, but we don't even notice it. Thinking of that makes me remember all of these other blessings: music for our ears, pictures for our eyes, smells for our noses... the list could go on for miles and miles.

"Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky." (The Love of God, Frederick M. Lehman)

Tabitha: A Woman of God

Last night, I went to my Wednesday night Bible study. We are going through Acts right now, and it's really fascinating and stirring. Acts 9:36-43 was one of the sections we went over. For some reason, I hadn't heard about Tabitha (aka Dorcas) as one of the leading women of God in the Bible. When I think women of God, I think of Deborah and Esther, Rachel and Sarah, Mary and Mary Magdalene. They all did important acts and outstanding deeds. But this woman Tabitha I have hardly even heard of. She doesn't have a book written about her, or even a whole chapter for that matter. A few verses in chapter 9 of Acts are hers, but even in so few words, a shining character comes forth.

"³⁶Now there was in Joppa a disciple named Tabitha, which, translated, means Dorcas. She was full of good works and acts of charity. ³⁷In those days she became ill and died, and when they had washed her, they laid her in an upper room. ³⁸Since Lydda was near Joppa, the disciples, hearing that Peter was there, sent two men to him, urging him, "Please come to us without delay." ³⁹So Peter rose and went with them. And when he arrived, they took him to the upper room. All the widows stood beside him weeping and showing tunics and other garments that Dorcas made while she was with them. ⁴⁰But Peter put them all outside, and knelt down and prayed; and turning to the body he said, "Tabitha, arise." And she opened her eyes, and when she saw Peter she sat up. ⁴¹And he gave her his hand and raised her up. Then calling the saints and widows, he presented her alive. ⁴²And it became known throughout all Joppa, and many believed in the Lord. ⁴³And he stayed in Joppa for many days with one Simon, a tanner."

Now, reading this at first may draw attention to the miracles of Peter. But I like to look at the least important and see their worth. First, it says that Tabitha was a disciple. That doesn't mean she was a pastor or a deacon. She was merely a follower of God out to evangelize. How did she evangelize? Through "good works and charity." Again, she didn't have to have a pulpit or a standing before hundreds of people. In verse 39, after Tabitha had died, the ladies that she associated with were heartbroken and were showing each other and Peter all of the tunics and other garments that she made for them. Tabitha's ministry was weaving and sewing. She used a talent that she had, as a woman, to minister to the women around her.

What did I take away from this? To be a disciple of Christ, you don't have to be miraculous or outstanding in worldly terms. You don't have to be named as a winner. You don't have to be known for miles around. But simple things like making clothes can reach the hearts of people far quicker than a loud sermon or an altar call.

"She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands... She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle." (Proverbs 31: 13, 19)

To Sisters

This is an excerpt from "Daughters of Destiny" by Noelle Wheeler. I thought it was very good and a reminder to me to be a sister that my brothers (and sisters) can look up to and confide in. I hope it encourages you ladies out there. :)

The Brother's Confidant

A good sister's love always holds a cherished place in the grateful memory of the brother! Many men have found a sister's love their ready and cheering resource. His confidence is set in her counsel and he is satisfied with the assurance that it will be uprightly and considerately given. How intimate is the friendship of such sisters! What a reliance for warning, excitement, and sympathy has each secured in each! How many are the brothers to whom, when thrown into circumstances of temptation, the thought of a sister's love has been a constant, holy presence, rebuking every wayward thought!

The relation of brothers and sisters forms another important element in the happy influences of home. A boisterous or a selfish boy may try to domineer of the weaker or more dependent girl, but generally the latter exerts a softening, sweetening charm. The brother animates and heartens; the sister mollifies, tames, refines. The vine-tree and its sustaining elm are the emblems of such a relation-- and by such agencies our "sons may become like plants grown up in their youth, and our daughters like cornerstones polished after the similitude of a temple."

Sisters scarcely know the influence they have over their brothers. A young man once testified that the greatest proof to the truth of Christian religion was his sister's life.

A Healthy Heart

When I was working at CGN this year, my youth pastor (also the camp staff pastor) preached on the heart. Here is a great little list that he made using Matthew 5 that determines what a healthy heart is. Thought I'd share it with ya'll :)

a. Poor in spirit (I need God)

b. Mournful over sin (I am not good on my own)

c. Meek (I am willing to do what God wants)

d. Hungering and thirsting after righteousness (I long to do what is right)

e. Merciful (I want to help those in need)

f. Pure (I will not tolerate inconsistency)

g. Peacemaking (I will not tolerate contention)

h. Sacrificial (I am willing to do what is right even if I suffer)

Just a Blurb on Love

It took a lot of love to leave a glory beyond all else to come down here to Earth- to dwell with sin and man and accept a human body and the life of a person. It took strength to walk on a vulgar land and understand temptation and pain. If you were God and had all splendor and glory and power in your right hand, would you have stepped down to save the sin of mankind?

Ah, but there is something missing here. Yes, He is glorious and powerful and terrible. But He is also love. He doesn't just love- as an action- but He is love in its entirety. We can't possibly understand that truly. We can love- we can even love with Christ's love- but we can never be love.

What does love mean? 1 Cor. 13:4-8a is the most commonly referenced passage when it comes to defining love. "Love is patient." Are we always patient? I'm not. "Love is kind." I'm not always kind either. "Love does not envy or boast." I certainly can think of times when I've envied others and boasted about myself. "It is not arrogant or rude." Most of the time when you see arrogance in a person and they are rude to you, do you think that they are loving you at the same time? I've been arrogant and rude before... something I definitely regret. "It does not insist on its own way." I don't always give preference to another's opinions or choices. "It is not irritable or resentful." I can think of more than half a dozen things that I hold against others and resent. "It does not rejoice with wrongdoing." This sort of ties in with the previous phase. When I resent someone or hold something against them, I like to see them fail because it makes me feel better than them. "But love rejoices with the truth." I know many times when I hated the truth and I didn't want to hear or accept it. "Love bears all things." Do I endure everything with the people around me? The hurt, the trials, the hardships, the failures, as well as the bliss, the triumphs, the easy roads, and the times of succeeding? "Love believes all things." Do I doubt those people around me? Not only what they might be saying, but also their capabilities? "Love hopes all things." Do I easily give up hope and forget to trust God? "Love endures all things." (I already went over that.)

Now, I just went through that passage accepting "love" as a verb- an action. I certainly am not love. I am not consistent in any of those aspects of love.

One thing that I thought was really cool while thinking about this was what the passage sounds like when you replace "love" with "Jesus". After all, Jesus=God and God=Love, so Jesus=Love. See the difference:

"Jesus is patient and kind; Jesus does not envy or boast; He is not arrogant or rude. He does not insist on His own way [Luke 22:42]; He is not irritable or resentful; He does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Jesus bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Jesus never ends."

How perfectly does that fit? I'd say it's pretty perfect: it's perfect love.

A Speck in an Ocean of Grace

A few days ago, I was reading in 2 Corinthians 12 for my devotions. I don't have much to say today (haven't had much time to think because of school tests and closing out), but I did want to post this for ya'll to think about. Paul is so clear here, it almost blows my mind. Have a look:

"So, to keep me from being too elated by the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said unto me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." There fore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (12:7-10)

This spoke very clearly to me. I get very excited when everything is going well and the glory of God is so apparent to me. But then sometimes a thorn gets put in my side and I'm reminded about my weaknesses because I fall or make a mistake. Like Paul, I plead with the Lord to take those weaknesses away. But He says "My grace is sufficient for you;" in other words, "rest in my grace, it is enough." And "for my power is made perfect in weakness." This passage really reminded me to be content with all weaknesses and hardships, calamities, insults, and persecution. I may be a speck in the ocean, but if that ocean is God's grace, then I am content... or, at least, I should be.

What will it be like?

Try to imagine what it'll be like when Jesus comes. Will you be excited? What will be your reaction? Will you feel like dancing? You know your own personality. What will you feel like doing? Will you fall down in amazement, with your head to the ground in reverent worship? Will tears fill up your eyes and you run to meet Him? Will your heart beat faster than it has ever beat? Or will it stop in complete and utter disbelief? He is coming. There's no doubt about it.

"He who testifies to these things says, "Surely, I am coming soon." Amen! Come, Lord Jesus!" (Revelation 22:20)

Will you jump for joy, like a child? Will you sigh in relief because you've waited and watched for so long, and He's finally here?

When I imagine it, I think that when I heard those trumpets sound, my heart would jump like I had just gone over a big hill on a roller coaster. Then, I think I would jump up and down like a crazy person shouting, "Yes! YES!" At the same time, tears may just come to my eyes because I know that all this imperfection in me is over. The race is done. Then, I'd have a thought in my head- that one of my lifelong hopes was to never experience death and instead witness the coming of Christ from an earthly view (although, anything that God has for me is good ;)). Then, I'd sing "Great is Thy Faithfulness," if I could find my voice. And at the same time, I'd run as fast as I could to feel God's embrace. I've always wanted a big hug from God- to feel completely surrounded by His power. I think that I'd love to take Jesus by the hand and show Him everything He's told me, just a like a little child takes his mother by the hand to show her all the new toys that she bought him. He knows all the things, because, after all, He showed them to me. But to repeat them back to Him would make my heart so glad (if it could get anymore glad than it already was). Then, like an impatient 4-year-old, I'd wait to see heaven and spend the rest of eternity (Eternity- think of that. Infinity- can you fathom it? And then pair that with God- can you understand or appreciate that enough?).

What about you? What's your story? There's also the possibility that you don't know how you would react. Or, there's the possibility that you do know, and it's terrible. You know that at that time, you'll shirk away in fear and shame, knowing that your heart is not covered by Christ's blood. If that's so, don't wait!! Jesus could come anytime. He could come before I publish this post. At any moment, He could come again. Are you ready?

"For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great god and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works." (Titus 2:11-14)

"My son, do not despise Me"

Have you ever felt worn out and wearied from your walk with God? The temptations come without yield and no matter how hard you try, you seem to just fall flat on your face all the time. I have periods in my life like that. Every once in a while, when God is teaching me something major, I feel like all I can do is fail and conquering sin, even with God, seems impossible.

Last night, I opened my Bible before bed to read the "daily Proverb," as I like to call it. Proverbs 3:11-12 was like God speaking to me. It says, "My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights." After I read that, I entered this in my journal:

"You totally just said something to me, God. I've been resentful, not thankful for the trials and temptations that you've been putting me through. I've been upset about falling flat on my face so many times. Sure, I should be mournful about my sin. But not about what you teach me through it."

I recall certain phrases that I may have said, and most likely thought, like, "I wish I didn't have to learn so much," or "Sometimes I wish I'd just learn it and be over with it." But with this verse, I'm changing my perspective. I'm going to purpose to thank God every time I fall on my face. It hurts sometimes, and definitely can be uncomfortable and disappointing, but I can learn more about God's grace, mercy, and forgiveness through it.

Just my little blurb for today :)

A Woman Named Hannah

God does these little things for me. I went to a friend's house last night to babysit their daughter while they went to a concert. When I babysit, I usually bring a few books from my house that might interest them (because I know that when I was little, I loved new things!). Anyway, one of the books I brought was a Bible story about Hannah, the mother of Samuel. Most people know who Samuel is in the Bible: the priest who anointed the first king of Israel, Saul. But a lot of people don't know about his mother, Hannah, who plays a great example in the Bible.

I had read a few other books to this little girl and then, when she was eating her bedtime snack, she asked if I could read this story to her. I started to read this child's version, and I realized how much I needed to hear that story. I've heard that book many many times since I was a little kid, but yesterday, I just really needed to hear it.

Hannah was one of two wives of Elkanah, a good man living in the land of Israel. The other wife had many children, and was very blessed. Hannah really had the desire to have children of her own, but she wasn't able to conceive. She went into a depression and didn't eat; she cried all the time. Her husband felt very sorry for her, because he loved her more than anyone in his family.

Every year, the family went to a town called Shiloh to worship God in the temple. One day, Hannah went into the temple alone to pray to God. She was really upset, and asked God to give her children. And if He granted her wish, she would give her firstborn back to God to serve Him. After she prayed, she was very much relieved and was able to eat again.

What do you know? She eventually had a baby boy and named him Samuel, which means "asked of God." A few years later, after she had weaned him, she remembered her promise to the Lord, and brought him back to Shiloh to live with the priest there. He grew up to be a man of God, and did tremendous works for the Lord. Hannah had other children, and visited Samuel every year at the temple.

How did this really hit me? I realized that every problem and distress that I have, I need to go to God first. I usually go to my parents or a friend first, and there is nothing wrong with that because God gave us those people for those things. But I realized that there is nothing that a human could do in comparison with what God can do. If Hannah had gone to the priest to tell her problems to, then she wouldn't have gotten anywhere. The priest couldn't open her womb! But God could.

This makes me also marvel at how personal God is. He *hears* our prayers. He doesn't have a mail service that delivers our request; there are no priests that have to be trained to make known our requests to God. We don't have to travel to a church or monastery in order to pray. (I suspect that Hannah went to the temple so that she would have some peace and quiet in which to talk to God.) Anywhere we are, no matter what we are doing, no matter how we say it: God hears us.

He answers us too. Sometimes He says yes, other times He says no, but still other times He says wait. We have to trust Him, that He knows how to take care of us, and how to best care for our needs.

Along with trying to be a Proverbs 31 woman, ladies, let's endeavor to be a Hannah-woman. Let's make every effort to make our requests known to God and to rest peacefully and happily in Him knowing that He holds our future in His perfect Hands.

With A Servant's Heart

From April 15-25, I am going on a missions trip to Honduras with my online school, The Potter's School. It's a group of teens and adults who will be building latrines, leading a VBS, performing health and wellness checks, and ultimately, sharing the gospel. I am so excited, and I hope that I can find some time to post a few extra blogposts before I go. I covet your prayers for the team and the work that we'll be doing; and mostly for the hearts of the kids and parents that we'll be witnessing to. Thank you.

As I'm going into this, I have to remember that I am a servant. It's so easy, especially for me, to get caught up in the moment that I'm doing a good thing, and I forget to give all glory and motivation to Christ and the gospel. I am very prone to think about all the good ways my works can make my life better.

Just tonight, God definitely brought this to my attention. Since I've started specifically asking Him to show me what He wants me to learn every single morning, I have noticed a lot of things I need to work on. But tonight, at my youth group bible study, we were studying Mark 10. A section in this chapter really hit home for me.

Jesus was on His way to Jerusalem (on His way to sacrifice His life) and saying things that the disciples could not understand. They always asked Him "What did you mean by...?" after Jesus spoke. In spite of all this, James and John decided to ask of Jesus a favor.

"And James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came up to him and said to him, 'Teacher, we want you to do for us whatever we ask of you.' And He said to them, 'What do you want me to do for you?' And they said to him, 'Grant us to sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your glory.' Jesus said to them, 'You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I drink, or to be baptized with the baptism with which I am baptized?' And they said to him, 'We are able.' And Jesus said to them, 'The cup that I drink you will drink, and with the baptism with which I am baptized, you will be baptized, but to sit at my right hand or at my left is not mine to grant, but it is for those for whom it has been prepared.' And when the ten heard it, they began to be indignant at James and John. And Jesus called them to him and said to them, 'You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.'" (Mark 10:35-45)

Oh my goodness! So easily, I and you can look at James and John and think, "How foolish and naive!" But then again, when we look at ourselves, we do the same thing too. As a Christian, I have been called to serve and follow Christ. And yet I still want to be known for what I do; in other words, I want praise and adoration for my good works. James and John had been called to follow and serve Christ, and they were asking for a favor- and no small one at that.

Being a disciple of Christ is not to get a title or a name- it's not a label. Being a disciple is an action. It's being a servant. The goal in the Christian walk should not be, "How can I be the best Christian in heaven?" No, it is "How much glory can I give Christ?"

It's so hard for me to remember, but it is so so important and true. As I go on this missions trip, I am praying that God will help me to have a servant's heart that wants to bring Him glory and none for myself.

For Spring to Have Sprung

Do you think that maybe God designed nature to make us laugh at our lives sometimes? For example, the past few days have been dark and dreary, cloudy and sometimes rainy. The grass is all brown and full of dead leaves and sticks. It's supposed to rain like this for a while. But I know that at the end, the grass will start getting greener, the leaves will come out on the trees, a few flowers might pop up!

And then, it'll rain again, and there'll be thunder and maybe lightning... and it'll be dark and cloudy again for a while. But after that, the grass is even greener, the leaves even bigger, and the flower buds even more abundant.

Sort of like our lives- every once in a while God rains down on us lessons and trials, trips in the road. But eventually, it stops, and our lives are more enriched, our minds more mature, and our walk with God more fortified.

But we so quickly lose hope when the rain starts. We think that the darkness will never end, the thunder will never cease. If we just looked out the window, we'd see that the end of the Lord is very merciful. We buckle under the weight of the raindrops, we forget that the taller we stand, the fuller we'll grow.

Did you know that after every rain, there is a rainbow? You don't see it every time because the sun has to be at a certain angle, and you have to be at a certain distance for the sun's rays to reflect off of the water molecules in the air.

Yet another one of God's object lessons! After every trial, temptation, and lesson God gives to us, His promises are always sure. His rainbow is always there. Even though we can't see it, it's proven to stand.

It amazes me how thoughtful and detailed God has been in His creation. Such a wonderful thing to be able to see God's work of art, and see our lives. It's like watching an artist paint a picture based on a feeling that you have-- only better.